I went to Texas to visit some rellys including my sweet, nice grandma. My grandma is in a nursing home for people with Alzheimer's. While I have many things to say about this horrible degenerative disease, I'd like to address my grandmother's amazing retention of her basic good nature and niceness.
I'm not really sure if she recognized me as 'Lisa' or 'friendly face' or 'someone I love' or what, I'm not really sure if it matters to her anymore either- what I do know is that the most basic part of who my grandmother is/was is still intact. She is nice. My grandma believes/ed in nice more than anything else and above all else.
My grandmother always told me things like: you catch more flies with honey; to succeed in this world you have to be oh, so smart or oh, so nice and there'll probably always be someone smarter than you; and if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing.
My grandmother entertained me for hours and days at a time making up stories for my elephant puppet to tell me over and over again. She let me wear her favorite broach and consequently break it and she put lipstick on me when she would freshen hers. She always mentioned who was nice and rarely mentioned people that weren't. People that weren't nice would only get a little shake of her head with a comment of, that's not very nice. Whenever I talked about a friend or a boy she would first, always, ask if they were nice.
My grandmother lived her life to be nice to others. She still does. It is amazing to me, to see her in this stage of Alzheimer's and she is still nice! That part of her basic nature seems untouchable by the disease which eats at her. She still smiles at everyone and tells them she loves them. I'm sure she receives better care because she is so loving. She tells people she loves them when she meets one of the caregivers in the hall or recognizes one of the other patients in the home. She has no concept of being mean or nasty- to her it is just not acceptable.
My grandmother always told me to be a nice girl and that I shouldn't hang around with people that weren't nice because I was a nice girl. This was the best and most overlooked advice I have ever received in my life.
I've been thinking a lot lately about life and such. I've been thinking about the people in my life. I was recently reading about Karma and the idea that when we are between lives we orchestrate our next life by choosing the people who will best facilitate our learning the lessons that we (in our perfect state) decide we must learn in the next life. (Yes, being concise is obviously not my forte) I look around me at these- the people I chose- and I think wow, I did a good job!! I picked the most amazing lineage of strong, wonderful, positive, nice women to be related to. Who would I be if I had not been shaped by these women?
I hope I pass 'nice' to subsequent generations as have the women before me. I hope that the lesson my grandmother is now teaching me, more strongly than ever, will follow me into future incarnations (if I have them!). I hope that in the face of a disease so horrifyingly scary as Alzheimer's, I too, will be nice. Through all the curve balls that life can and will throw at me, I pray that I will stay true to the lesson my grandma has taught me; to be nice, to never be bitter, to always forgive, to always be patient, and always to love.
Because what my grandma said is true- it's easier to be nice than smart (or anything else).
