The funny thing about everything in your life changing at the same time is that suddenly everything is new all at the same time.
I put on my new uniform to go to my new job, drive a new route from my new-ish apartment, new hair cut, trying like hell to have a new outlook, and I have new uninterrupted me time whenever I want it.
When I leave work I am not sure what to do with myself, my new routine hasn´t quite worked itself out yet, I have activities but they haven´t found their proper order yet. It´s strange. I have things to do but I am not even sure when to do them, I feel like I need to walk around with a pen and a planner in my head to help me keep track of all these new hours. With no one else in my house now, I have this strangely clean and orderly house and extra time on my hands. It´s almost as if I just got here all over again, but not really, because I am not helplessly lost, hopelessly lost in my head perhaps, but not helplessly lost in the streets.
Today at my new lunchtime I felt like I was walking into a new high school when I walked into the cafeteria. I am the same nerd I always have been (that´s not new), walking into the lunchroom with my bagged healthy lunch, but with a different kind of confidence (that is new). In High School I would scour the lunchroom to find someone to sit with, today I was almost relieved to not see anyone that looked familiar so I could sit in the corner and eat my asparagus and read my book in peace.
I keep telling myself that, This Too Shall Pass, and try to appreciate and accept the beauty in the newness of all these little moments that too soon will feel like the same old grind. And for all of this same old grind that is still grinding away inside me I try to remember that, This Too Shall Pass and that with time the broken glass will turn to soft sand.
 | You're in a place a lot of people dream of. A clean slate - wow. And you are so not a nerd. I've always thought of you as a hot chick who totally owns her own life. You've done what I want to do some day - go to the country of your dreams and make a life for yourself. You are such a strong independent person. You've got a lot to be proud of. |
| Sometimes it's a long time before glass is ground into sand (good or bad?).
. . . Sometimes a new fresh start at everything can be just what's needed...exposed to new things, hopefully new opportunities, new outlook, new routines, etc. Sometimes the same-old same-old can put you in the comfortable doldrums which can lead to stagnation and lack of personal progress.
. . When "newness" slowly turns into the same old routine, maybe then is a good time to shake things up with more newness? And so it goes. |
 | Each moment is new. I think we could all learn from this and from you... to appreciate that newness. Perhaps you should carry the pen around to jot it all down. Nah... just enjoy each moment, the asparagus, the book, even the nerdiness.... the lack of pressure to be someone for others who may or may not be watching. That time will come. Enjoy the space of now. |
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